Flatophonia: The Art of the Musical Anus

Flatophonia: The Art of the Musical Anus
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A menagerie of weird studies published in nutrition journals.

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I like to end these talks with my top pick for study-of-the-year. But before I get to the top finalist, I thought I might briefly share some contenders for last place. For example, money was spent sniffing the effect of mugwort and mushrooms on the urine odor of aged mice. Or how about this one: how to use fish guts for laundry detergent. Taxpayers paid for an investigation of the structure of tomatoes by means of quantitative nuclear MRIs. We now know, ladies and gentlemen, what the inside of a tomato looks like.

The effects of a horsemeat-based Atkins diet on rats was studied, as well as how to improve the gelling properties of ground lizardfish, because you know there’s nothing worse than runny lizardfish jello.

What are the sensory and color changes in warty venus flesh during marination—because if the color’s off or something, forget it. 

The meat industry continues to try to get rid of their byproducts. You’ve heard of soy infant formula, dairy infant formula; how about chicken-based formula for babies? Don’t worry; the meat is blenderized, so as to be easily sucked through a rubber nipple.

See, I don’t just read journals like Planta Medica, and Phytomedicine; I read the Journal of Muscle Foods. Not foods for muscles, mind you, but foods made out of muscles.

What might one find in a nutrition journal of meat? Articles about how to starve bunnies, of course. Starved rabbits have “the highest ripe meat ratio,” and therefore the best barbequed bunny can be obtained by withholding food.

On a lighter note, from a Norwegian medical journal: “Flatophonia: the art of the musical anus is reviewed.” The man could blow out candles from yards away—a true fartiste. 

You’ll notice that the 13th edition of this book, published in 1727, was not only reviewed by the College of Physicians, but “approved by several Ladies of Quality.”

To see any graphs, charts, graphics, images, and quotes to which Dr. Greger may be referring, watch the above video. This is just an approximation of the audio contributed by veganmontreal.

Please consider volunteering to help out on the site.

 

I like to end these talks with my top pick for study-of-the-year. But before I get to the top finalist, I thought I might briefly share some contenders for last place. For example, money was spent sniffing the effect of mugwort and mushrooms on the urine odor of aged mice. Or how about this one: how to use fish guts for laundry detergent. Taxpayers paid for an investigation of the structure of tomatoes by means of quantitative nuclear MRIs. We now know, ladies and gentlemen, what the inside of a tomato looks like.

The effects of a horsemeat-based Atkins diet on rats was studied, as well as how to improve the gelling properties of ground lizardfish, because you know there’s nothing worse than runny lizardfish jello.

What are the sensory and color changes in warty venus flesh during marination—because if the color’s off or something, forget it. 

The meat industry continues to try to get rid of their byproducts. You’ve heard of soy infant formula, dairy infant formula; how about chicken-based formula for babies? Don’t worry; the meat is blenderized, so as to be easily sucked through a rubber nipple.

See, I don’t just read journals like Planta Medica, and Phytomedicine; I read the Journal of Muscle Foods. Not foods for muscles, mind you, but foods made out of muscles.

What might one find in a nutrition journal of meat? Articles about how to starve bunnies, of course. Starved rabbits have “the highest ripe meat ratio,” and therefore the best barbequed bunny can be obtained by withholding food.

On a lighter note, from a Norwegian medical journal: “Flatophonia: the art of the musical anus is reviewed.” The man could blow out candles from yards away—a true fartiste. 

You’ll notice that the 13th edition of this book, published in 1727, was not only reviewed by the College of Physicians, but “approved by several Ladies of Quality.”

To see any graphs, charts, graphics, images, and quotes to which Dr. Greger may be referring, watch the above video. This is just an approximation of the audio contributed by veganmontreal.

Please consider volunteering to help out on the site.

 

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