Flatophonia: The Art of the Musical Anus

Flatophonia: The Art of the Musical Anus
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A menagerie of weird studies published in nutrition journals.

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I like to end these talks with my top pick for study-of-the-year. But before I get to the top finalist, I thought I might briefly share some contenders for last place. For example, money was spent sniffing the effect of mugwort and mushrooms on the urine odor of aged mice. Or how about this one: how to use fish guts for laundry detergent. Taxpayers paid for an investigation of the structure of tomatoes by means of quantitative nuclear MRIs. We now know, ladies and gentlemen, what the inside of a tomato looks like.

The effects of a horsemeat-based Atkins diet on rats was studied, as well as how to improve the gelling properties of ground lizardfish, because you know there’s nothing worse than runny lizardfish jello.

What are the sensory and color changes in warty venus flesh during marination—because if the color’s off or something, forget it. 

The meat industry continues to try to get rid of their byproducts. You’ve heard of soy infant formula, dairy infant formula; how about chicken-based formula for babies? Don’t worry; the meat is blenderized, so as to be easily sucked through a rubber nipple.

See, I don’t just read journals like Planta Medica, and Phytomedicine; I read the Journal of Muscle Foods. Not foods for muscles, mind you, but foods made out of muscles.

What might one find in a nutrition journal of meat? Articles about how to starve bunnies, of course. Starved rabbits have “the highest ripe meat ratio,” and therefore the best barbequed bunny can be obtained by withholding food.

On a lighter note, from a Norwegian medical journal: “Flatophonia: the art of the musical anus is reviewed.” The man could blow out candles from yards away—a true fartiste. 

You’ll notice that the 13th edition of this book, published in 1727, was not only reviewed by the College of Physicians, but “approved by several Ladies of Quality.”

To see any graphs, charts, graphics, images, and quotes to which Dr. Greger may be referring, watch the above video. This is just an approximation of the audio contributed by veganmontreal.

Please consider volunteering to help out on the site.

 

I like to end these talks with my top pick for study-of-the-year. But before I get to the top finalist, I thought I might briefly share some contenders for last place. For example, money was spent sniffing the effect of mugwort and mushrooms on the urine odor of aged mice. Or how about this one: how to use fish guts for laundry detergent. Taxpayers paid for an investigation of the structure of tomatoes by means of quantitative nuclear MRIs. We now know, ladies and gentlemen, what the inside of a tomato looks like.

The effects of a horsemeat-based Atkins diet on rats was studied, as well as how to improve the gelling properties of ground lizardfish, because you know there’s nothing worse than runny lizardfish jello.

What are the sensory and color changes in warty venus flesh during marination—because if the color’s off or something, forget it. 

The meat industry continues to try to get rid of their byproducts. You’ve heard of soy infant formula, dairy infant formula; how about chicken-based formula for babies? Don’t worry; the meat is blenderized, so as to be easily sucked through a rubber nipple.

See, I don’t just read journals like Planta Medica, and Phytomedicine; I read the Journal of Muscle Foods. Not foods for muscles, mind you, but foods made out of muscles.

What might one find in a nutrition journal of meat? Articles about how to starve bunnies, of course. Starved rabbits have “the highest ripe meat ratio,” and therefore the best barbequed bunny can be obtained by withholding food.

On a lighter note, from a Norwegian medical journal: “Flatophonia: the art of the musical anus is reviewed.” The man could blow out candles from yards away—a true fartiste. 

You’ll notice that the 13th edition of this book, published in 1727, was not only reviewed by the College of Physicians, but “approved by several Ladies of Quality.”

To see any graphs, charts, graphics, images, and quotes to which Dr. Greger may be referring, watch the above video. This is just an approximation of the audio contributed by veganmontreal.

Please consider volunteering to help out on the site.

 

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16 responses to “Flatophonia: The Art of the Musical Anus

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  1. Please feel free to post any ask-the-doctor type questions here in the comments section and I’d be happy to try to answer them. There are 1,449 other subjects covered in the rest of my videos–please feel free to explore them as well!

  2. There is obviously a lot of disgusting research going on and getting published. I had no idea there was a “Journal of Muscle”. I feel sad for all the animals that were tested on for such seemingly pathetic uses. Really, I thought paid research had to go through ethical review boards to focus on reducing the number of animals, finding a replacement (non-animal), and refinement (to find ways to reduce suffering and harm to the animal research subjects), referred to as the 3 Rs in research.

  3. I hope the horse meat study took into account that most horses raised in the US are not raised under food safety guidelines and are therefore given many substances which are banned from use in ANY animal intended for human consumption.

  4. An August 19 article by Dr. Mercola states ” a healthier alternative to vegetable oils are saturated fats from animals and vegetables … your body cannot function without saturated fat.” This is the exact opposite to what you claim in your articles and videos.

    1. Yeah but Dr. Mercola also profits off of selling lots of stuff that is questionable. Dr. Greger doesn’t profit off of the stuff he sells.

  5. As a new vegan dieter I can not avoid the issue with flatulence, even with the use of charcoal capsules or ginger/peppermint tea
    How do I put out the fire of my farts out forever short of dying to stop the smell from down below?
    Thanks

    1. Danrich: Congrats on healthy eating! As for the problem with flatulence, have you seen the following article from NutrtionFacts? : http://nutritionfacts.org/2011/12/05/beans-and-gas-clearing-the-air/ That article has some ideas that might help.
      .
      Also note that lots of people report that while they may have gas on their new diet, they notice distinctly less smell on the gas after they have gone through an adjustment period. You hopefully will have that to look forward to also.
      .
      Good luck and let us know how it goes.

  6. Since going vegan almost a month ago I have been getting much more frequent and extremely worse smelling gas. Is this normal? Is there anything I can do about it?

    Thanks in advance :)

  7. “Going vegan” can range from Coke and chips to raw whole foods straight from the garden….and all the processed stuff in between including spaghetti, vegan meat, tofu etc. All these different foods can have different effects on your gas output. You might try a really “clean” diet of nothing but organic whole, raw, fresh fruits and veggies….nothing else. Just don’t forget to wash everything before eating.

    1. What if the malodorous flatulence is caused by clean, organic whole foods like potatoes and sweet potatoes, not processed foods? (asking for a friend). :)

      1. Hi, -I am a nutritionist and moderator in NF team. It is just normal to have flatulence. In my experience the body needs sometime to adjust to the increase of fiber diet. If after several months the problem continues, you might want to reduce and review what you are eating. It might not be the best food for you.

        1. It’s been several months and the problem persists. It would be hard to enjoy a WFPB life without potatoes and sweet potatoes. Those are the favored foods in the WFPB world for this person. I thought maybe digestive enzymes would help. I hate to tell her to get off the spuds after years of touting this diet as the healthiest…but not every food is good for every body. Thanks for responding.

  8. I find that the worst gas comes from vegans who eat those fake meat products or from vegetarians who eat dairy/eggs. Normal diets vary the spectrum of stench. But the absolute worst……being around anyone after they eat some of that reformed ARBYS roast beef.

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